The
Pamphlet of Schnarfenfigelheim is an apocryphal document drafted in the early 6th Century by an advisor to the line of Clovis, which would eventually become the Merovingian Dynasty of Frankish rule. King Theudebert, the grandson of Clovis who first led the Franks to Christianity, was not content to merely be another notch in the belt of the Roman Christian diaspora. Gathering his priests around him, he demanded prophecy, revelation, and strongly hinted that these wise men might include some mention of the inherent divine right of the Germanic peoples. Of all his sages, Theudebert valued the wisdom of the elder Schnarfenfigelheim most. It is in the
Pamphlet of Schnarfenfigelheim that the traditional story of Genesis Book 1, Chapter 1 is re-written with a more in depth look at the denizens of Hell prior to the Fall of Lucifer and his host.
The toys I make in the Fat Lady Crew & The Brothers Tingle are inspired by characters from the Pamphlet.
For your consideration, the opening stanza of The Pamphlet of Schnarfenfigelheim:
"In the beginning, God created many curious and irrational things and no one was there to write them all down. In the very beginning, only one irrational thing existed and it was this thing that became the thing known as God. A nest-like vessel of incomprehensible will and creativity from whose bosom sprung the cosmos in all its dust-filled glory, the invention of time achieved in Its infancy, the compulsion to create self-creating creatures was inspired by the loneliness inherent to Its existence.
Carving as if from clay, the elements of perfection…"
The document goes on to describe the inter-connected nature of angels and demons. Angelic perfection was apparently achieved by removing negative personality aspects, while refining qualities deemed appealing. The absence of all negativity turned out to be quite boring, and the solution was to create near-perfect beings with just a tiny bit of morally questionable behavior or personality quirk. For instance, in creating an Angel that embodied rhythmic intensity and musical motion, it would be undesirable to remove all traces of moodiness or depression from the entity. Such a creature might make beautiful music for spring afternoons, but even God has rainy days.
So, some traces of “undesirable” qualities were needed in the angelic content in order to achieve certain other aspects of “pure” intent. The leftover bits and pieces of God’s magic clay were then thrown into Hell, which at this point in time resembled a large, mystical root cellar wherein the almighty kept his old and forgotten stuff. Within this dark and disused realm, these little balls of discontent gestated into what we would now call Demons. Bitter and malcontent, Hell was a place of abuse and ridicule. But at least it was home.
Things all started to change after the Great Rebellion and subsequent Fall of a large section of the Angelic Host. The story now should seem somewhat familiar. Watching the way God doted over those short-lived and foul-tempered humans, Lucifer and his halo-toting brethren grew weary of their roles as God’s servants and tried to take over the Frat House. Failing in their heavenly coup d’etat, God was reminded of his old hidey-hole and shoved those rebellious louts down into Hell. God liked to forget about what he had left down there.
(Melancholy Molly, the Fat Lady, Bad Baby Banana)
Once the Angels moved in, all the typical gentrification effects began to be felt. Suddenly the Natural Born Demons were second-class citizens pushed off of their home turf and on towards the less desirable parts of town. Sequestered in ghettos by the Angels, the NBDs were taxed, manipulated and oppressed. Some found favor as hatchet men and lackeys for the devils with wings. It was, in short, a most brutal colonialism.
The light seemed to grow ever dimmer for the foul and disgusting demons. Would they ever find a champion to rescue them from their oppression? Could a God dark enough in desire to create abominations in order to also create beauty possibly be merciful enough to see Its own responsibility? Indeed.
But it wouldn’t be until several hundred years after the Crucifixion. Having spent a bit of time getting a feel for the place after the Resurrection, Jesus decided heaven was badly in need of some social reform. Convincing the almighty of this proved to be quite a task, but the Prince of Peace was able to subdue the Wrath of the Father and a rehabilitation program for suitable demons was put into place. If a demon was deemed worthy of rehabilitation, he was to then be placed with a mentor being at a position with the inner bureaucracies of creation. The demon would then be put to use serving the larger clockwork of the system and could be monitored for possible further placement or marked as a failure and destined to return to Hell.
(The Brothers Tingle, Wayne Jr, Itchy, Peeper)
Chosen to review the parolees was a peculiar entity known as the Fat Lady. Created after the Fall, the Fat Lady was a demon plucked from Hell and put to God’s surgical knife in order to attach the essence of angelic strength to a fully formed demon’s soul. Intended as an intermediary figure that would run errands down to Hell for God, the Fat Lady held a privileged place in creation able to freely span the planes of existence between Hell, Earth, and Heaven. The Fallen Angels despised her and treated her poorly upon her visits. The NBDs saw her as the shooting star, the hometown kid making it big. Rising up from Hell, being changed by the Creator to become something better, something stronger. Her relationship with the NBD community seemed like a perfect fit for administering the NBD rehab program.
(Mr. Scratch, Soul Broker)
Keep your eyes peeled for two more additions to the toy line coming soon in the Box of Fate 2011.
